COME SEE BATTLE FOR LAGNIAPPE
(my first solo show in ny)
march 2-25
tues-sat 12-6 711 washington st, ny, ny
7Eleven Gallery

I am angry and surrounded by my paintings. I hung them all up in my studio like the whale room at the natural history museum- floating, scary sea creatures in a dark oval shaped space...
Recently people who read my blog have been making me feel ashtough i should "watch" what i "write". Fuck that.
I started this as a way for me to R E L E A S E my feelings as they flly off the page of my face, and help me paint btter.
this blog does not exist to make me sell my work! this blog does not exist so that people think i KNOW WHAAAT I AM DOING.
anybody who knows me or sees my work can tell that i know what im doing.
i exude htis.
my blog exudes all teh intensity with which i wrestle with everything that makes process fun and difficult.
i am very frustrated right now becasue my mother, who deals 19th century european paintings, came into my studio to look at my paitnings. now, remember, these paitnings ahve been through HELL.
i cut them into PIECES and drove them to new orleans in the back of a picku p truck, and then set htem up in benh zeitlin's pool.
by the time they came back here, they were missing mermaid fingers, battle scarred, and awesome.
its not hte damage that im meant to repari though, my mom suggested that i touch up somet of hte paintings. I DONT LIKE THIS IDEA/ i feel coepletely impossible to do this.
i dont know why.
it s just not what the work is about?
the work is about making paintings A S FAST and FURioUS as possible-- and using them, and enjoyin ghteir unfinishedness-- some of them are all about gesture, and soem of them are truly better than others, but hte idea of going back into each one and (re)painting it- is SO MUCH REWORKING im afraid it will kill me and the work.
She did have a good idea about finishing hte backs of hte pieces by painting them all black- to emphasize their silhouettes and simplify the forms.
I dont want to concentrate on the paintings right now at all.
i want to photograph them outside, play with setting htem up on the canal...
and then spend thurs/fri photographing them.
AND think about the pictures, and justin pointed out i can print my own set shots smalla nd frame them in the basement room with the mermaid in the fishtank...
and- if i want tpeople ot stay away from my big awesome pirate ship, i can add wood water in front of it to keep them back- and i have a week to get that stuff right-- .......
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i am in good shape. i need to not worry about these paintings. if i am not having fun apinting i will not make good painting, i cannot fuck with work that is done, i need to make NEW work, MORE work, finisht he rope bodysuit and make some rope drawings!!
i dont want to cut down walker's head!!!!

this was the mockup for the photo shoot i just cam eback from executing in new orleans.
i made 20 paintings in 3 weeeks and then cut htem into little pieces and drove them down south in a picku p truck and drowned them in a swimming pool and took picture so fit. i cannot put thsoe pictures up yet. you have ot come to my show to see those picutres!

a very strange thing just happened to me today. i havnet written about my upcoming show or everyhting ive been preparing for it because it all happened so fast, but a striking encounter has forced me to blog.
i was opening hte gate to my studio this afternoon letting some people out, and a woman stopped me and said, 'excuse me- do you know how i can get in ot htat buildling to photograph that mermaid?' and i said "waht?" immediately thinking she was talking about my painted mermaid, but then she said 'yes its on a wall - there--' and i thought she meant the graffiti wall that is visible from the carroll st bridgge, outside my studio, in the yard. so i said, oh , well, ou have to ask our landlord, david. and she thanked me and walked away. but then i realized she said, inside the building, and m y painted mermaid is visible through my gowanus window, from the bridge, because the whole studio is illuminated wiht a giant tota light right now. and then i checked the graffiti wall, and there IS NO mermaid there. there are other sea creatures and shit, but the mermaid she wanted to photograph was MY MERMAID> now i am so upset that i ddnt invite her into my studio and talk to her about what i am doing!! i really wish that i could haveher opinion and get her feedback and surprise an dthrill her. and now i dont know how to communicate wihte hr except to write some kind of giant silhouetted note on my window in reverse, so that next time she passes by teh silo she can look up into the tower and see the sea maiden, trapped, here, me the gatekeeper turning her awyay,....when i should have invited her ot my show!!
ayyhh sometimes fantasy and reality are never closer than when you spontaneiuosly encounter a stranger who knows you through your work.
lovely lady come find me! i will let you in!

ALos, i have been reading PETER PAN! it is so amazing! i am going to get a copy from book court tonight!! ther eare so many things about it, ive always known it was my bible, or at least, zeitlin reminds me constantly that when i met him in college i told him i was in 'z school' which was better than college, and that portrait of a lady had put me there, and that my heroes were robin hood and peter pan, and now it seems really important to me to really read this book- becaue i bought a copy for my 2 year old cousin this week, and unwrapped it on teh sybway so i coudl read it myself on teh way to give it to him, and then i found that wendy dreams of sewing a tent out of dried leaves!!! ((SO ME)) ______SEW ME!!! and then also that childhood begins to end when you begin to understand that childhood does end!!! and also so many more important things to note.... i will buy it and read it and blog it. i cannot think of abetter book to spend money on or a better store to suppport. thanks zack zook.

really need feedbak on pokeys.
WHICH ONE IS BEST? which one looks like walker is actually flying on pokey's back throught he air? remmeber he is going to have a sword in his hand too..........
need to project this and cut it out TOMORROW NIGHT- so please reply!!!!
adding this imagery to the naval battle- seeems appropriate for some reason
also i have to make
the playmobil pirate ship wit h 20 little boys running around on it playing with swords
and
me tied to the masthead naked with rope, like odysseus, being beckoned by the mermaids,
the sirens
bob with the kraaken (picking up the breaking ship)

AH! i am so happy and things are going so well! I am painting up a naval battle storm! And i just accidnetally stumbled upon this in my outbox from 2 years ago- before beasts of hte southern wild even existed-- its a set pic a drew for benh titled "sex barge"-- the first manifestation of the strip club on boat... but how much does this drawing also look lik ewhat im tyring to make for myself now?? weird and circular... more or less so than my idea to shoot battle in new orelans and cemetary at welseyan? crazy. ghosts of xmas past, the halloween tree, really wan to reread that, bradbury mmmmmmmm and also amy's eyes, such a great read- read all childrens boooks all the time.
good night

Saw this amazing documentary called Marwencol. You should watch it and also buy it. These are my notes on the movie- they probably don't make sense and i'd rather leave them as an awkward lengthy haiku than edit htem. but they are all making sense- adding up to a clearer picture of the next installation o fmy wooden army....

MARWENCOL:
Hogancamp;s dream- love/sex too, EMBRACE
Pocket full of posies
My alter ego figure- I am a man? Who am i?
At least my alter ego can have a girlfriend, (it only drinks coffee)
Look at the face, who does it remind me of in my town
Hogancamps ruined stocking catfight club
“WHAT IF YOUR THERAPY BECAME ART?”
esopus mag, white columns
toy torture symbolizing REAL damage (scar on face)
tula as villain, mom as a general
“my mind cant decide what world to go for, realistic world? But there are dangers out there….my mind cant handle all that, I prefer to live in my world, I wanna live here, in marwencol”
then he gives his alter ego a camera, and has him set up models…

At the Brooklyn Public Library and feeling SO HAPPY! this IS THE ART LIBARARY of my dreams! certainly enough to combat my fierce denied access to wesleyan's art library...michael lehman came to my studio yesterday, and it was so great. he was very very helpful and critical and suggested so many great artists for me to look at!
Mickalene Thomas! so amazing- her sculpture but also her painting is so textured, and the way she moves through mediums, using installation for photography, all with the same subject, is very elegant and moving.
He also told me to look at Vanessa Beecroft and Amy mayfield.

Michael wished my wooden people had more in common with one another-- he said i should concentrate on the notion of 'crafting a scene.' He liked the nudity, not in adn of itself, but as a running thread of bodies. a predictable quality, one of hte only uniting elements.

When i explained my idea of a fighting army, he suggested unity in their weapons, or variations on the same fighting pose...all because he wants a more ALLEGORICAL READING. something i am constantly afraid of. but when i explained my "golden fleece conundrum" (so funny isnt it, how one's/my art identity becomes a series of troubled knocked up balls, memory balls, idea balls, made of different materials, roling around into one another?? constantly becoming more complicated and also growing towards each other, but still also remaining separate non-unifiable objects?)
------> Keith Roberts writes, in a book on Bruegel: "But contradictions, with great artists, do not weaken their art; they become points of tension that generate power." (PHAIDON: 1982, p. 14)
...ok, regressing, "golden fleece conundrum": ie i make a painting based on an image that for ME tells a story- i was 8 years old, this was my toga party, my dad was dressed as a minotaur and we are all chasing him with supersoakers to get the golden fleece- i am confronted with the dilemma that the picture i chose to use, edited out too much information from the story. there is no minotaur! the other children are suggested by their hands- but they are not there! so the story becomes more interesting (or more developed) than the imagery of the painting. Possibly true also of blankey. Actually, that is what janine antoni told me when she critiqued that piece, that the title would defniitely matter. This problem occureed with THe Tailor too, only i knew hte backstory, not so important, but i was trying to explain the work with the byline (stolen from AIR gallery) "the man i wish i was."
So anyways, this is an important criticism from Michael, and something Joey has tried to tell me in the past, and also the reason why i am now looking at Bruegel and Bosch and other fantastic allegorical painters who make complex symbolic scenes. ANy recommendations please shoot my way.

Michael also said htat creating a BIG EXPERIENCE relies on all the paintings realting to a BIG IDEA. ..he said something about the whole scene being constructed out of a big wood fire. and then a photograph of the paintings (and wood fire) burning? shot from birds eye view? i dotn know. He suggested that i spent some time culling & collecting source imagery, which is why i am here. And that worked for me wiht Pro Scientia as well, although the painting had otehr unresolved issues, i loved working form source material. and learning art history. maybe this can also be a catalyst for my timeline project at home.

Lehman also mentioned the erotic element present in the nudity. because the scale is human and the pieces are naked. one idea i had then was to make a human pyramid of naked men in the water! i mean submerge it, in the water, after building it, and photograph it so that you can see the reflection. who would be my models for htis project? sam and max...cody, (would he get naked with other men?) some coudl be partially clothed...the more the better, i think i need at least ten.

in my notes from michael i also wrote down"make your work speak from beyond the figure"
People are not interested in self-reflexive questions about painting (meta-painting) it is not enough that they can be momentarily mistaken for real life in a photograph mixed with reality, that trope is old, not conceptual.

He also told me to get a Peter Doig book, in which the simplest images really do tell stories. and to check out Luc Tuymans. and the SVA summer residency program and the summer pre-mfa at columbia. he started talking about rachel hearrison and dana schutz as examples of artists who use the figure but completely sublimate it into something conceptual. that is why he likes my bodysuits so much. as do i. and also he said the texture and form is so strong. i am very excited to continue that series alongside this one. and check out nick cave who makes somes sort of soundsuits.

OH SHIT IT STarTED POURING RAIN. i dont have a coat, i am wearing a white bra-less shirt, and i have far to walk with my heavy library books and computer! oh no! i am too excited i accidentally broek the rules and spoke in the quiet space.

My assignments for myself to get started properly are
1) paint non-humans on luan cut out and see what happens (like the boat i am developing)
2) paint cut outs and join them together by layering them in a stack of 3-5 with 2/3 inch spacers in between and light from above. my reference for this is something we had at my parents house growing up, that i dont know the name for, but i found it on amazon titled: CUT PAPER WOOD ART ASIAN NATURE THEME MINI 3D VIEW
3) stage some example photo shoots...put together a list of likely willing models, have teh INTSTRUCtioNS ready! not a party like last time, very specific goaals, fighting shots, or the human pyramd, or a swampy bayou battle, and stage these and execute them, etiher in unison or sequentially, either individually or in a group, and see how this wokr sout. BEING SURE TO HAVE A STORY WTIH ALL NEC. INFO AND ALSO UNIFYING CHARACTERISTICS OF SCENE.

either way the idea is to carry these assignments out in order to move forward simultaneiously and quickly and see what does and doesn't work. pushing wood you in a number of ways at once! so excited , rain has slowed, thank you michael!